My son Hank and I went to a half full theater to see the 2:35 pm
3D showing of ParaNorman on its opening day. The theater's population is no
reflection on the movie, but rather the theater location. It is a beautiful,
new Cinemark theater located in an also new but very desolate mall that
boasts more dollar, useless nick-knack and Pittsburgh sports gear and
memorabilia stores than it does an entire day's clientele.
In order to have
my son stay interested in the movie, I must plan the day carefully or risk a
temper tantrum 8 minutes into the credits. Step 1: feed the kid. At 11:30
I made him one of his favs - Spaghettio's and meatballs, squeezable applesauce
and organic vanilla milk. I figure the organic milk balances out the
preservatives in the spaghetti dish. Step 2: wear out his little limbs. This
unoccupied mall has a room dedicated to bouncy bounces. It is $6 for 30
minutes. Best deal ever, if you can get over the amount of germs that will be
distributed all over your child. Today I will get over it. Step 3: manipulate a
win-win at the concession stand. Smallest popcorn you have - check. M&M's
that I bought at Rite Aid in an appropriate size and price - check. Juice boxes
in my bag - check. Step 3: make the kid the leader. "Sure you can wear your fire boots, plaid shorts and a fuzzy sweatshirt in August - I'm sure it will be cozy!", "After you Hank, you
choose the seat, sure, right next to the assisted living field trip, great!", "Don't have to go to the bathroom? Want to wait
until the movie starts? OK, not a problem!". The more I can say yes
to his fine leadership decisions, the more leeway I have later when I need to
repeatedly tell the small Stalin that if I have to tell him to be quiet one
more time, Mommy is going to go nucking futs.
So, now we are
ready to see ParaNorman. It is in 3D and thankfully they do not offer up used,
bulky glasses. Instead moviegoers get individually wrapped glasses in
adult and child sizes. My lice and pink eye worries have immediately been remedied. The movie moved along at a very nice clip and Hank (and
I) laughed out loud many times. We only needed to take one bathroom break, and
that was for my benefit, not for Hank's. My pregnant super sniffer was able to
detect the shoe, or lack thereof, stink of the movie goers behind me - but
nothing was going to ruin this day. We are having a great time.
Until the great
time turned into not- enough- of- a- great- time for Prince Hank. Immediately
after exiting the darkened theater, Hank looked up at me with a big bright
smile and shining eyes. I thought, wow, I'm going to get a "thanks
mommy" or even "this was awesome, mommy", but no.
Instead, I heard "can we go play the video games?". Ahhhh, the arcade
in the theater. A place that I have no interest in entering - ever - to waste
money while my son looks at yet another screen. He got a polite no, then
another, and another. Then the pouting and whining set in hard. "I NEVER
get to do anything I want, it's not FAIR!” I just lumbered my 50lb overweight
body around a crappy mall, watched him play joyfully in a bounce land while I
carefully placed said body on an incredibly uncomfortable folding chair and
watched an animated movie while enduring stank toes - all for his enjoyment. I
know this is a part of the thankless job of parenting, but it doesn't make
taking it any easier.
Later that evening
at bedtime, David read Hank 3 books and tucked him into bed. I leaned down to
give him a kiss and Hank said he had a great time today, and sorry for being so
mean. I turned, stunned, to David and I swear there was a very pleasantly
surprised tear in his eye. It was such a sweet apology - completely sincere and
un-coached. So maybe the thankless part of parenting will just always stink.
But the sweet parts, like this apology, are worth every lousy second of
them.
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